Maura Isles never took a sick day
by detective-jay-rizzoli
Summary: Maura takes a sick day and Jane goes by to check on her. She stumbles upon something that she never wanted to know. Thinking it couldn't possibly get any worse, it did. I needed a break from my other lovey-dovey story, so I decided to make something a bit angstier. Eventual Rizzles
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Okay, so I know my other story isn't really finished yet but I just wanted a break from all of the sappy happy stuff and I decided to make something a bit angstier. Don't worry it will be eventual rizzles, even if it was just because I could never write a story about Jane and Maura without having at least a bit of fluff. Enjoy chapter 1 :)_

Maura Isles never took a sick day. I'm not saying she was never sick. She just never thought sitting at home an entire day would make her feel any better. And that's how it all began. It began with Maura Isles taking a sick day and me being too worried about it. Maura Isles, my best friend and the secret love of my life never took a sick day and so I worried. I stood at her front door, knocking impatiently. As soon as the door opened I started apologizing for barging in on her sick day.

"Hey Maur, I'm-" I stopped quickly, realizing that the person standing in front of me wasn't Maura. It was Tommy. My little brother Tommy in nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of boxers. I blinked a few times, not wanting to acknowledge what was so obvious.

"Tommy? What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Oh, I spent the night." He said casually, as if those four words did not just break my heart in a million pieces. I could feel my face going pale and my throat going dry. I turned around and walked away, not bothering to answer. I knew that I was supposed to feel something. Sadness about the fact that the love of my life had just slept with someone else, anger about the fact that my best friend had told me she wouldn't get involved with him earlier and hadn't kept that promise, even confused about the fact that Maura had called in sick even though she probably wasn't. But I didn't. I felt numb. Empty. I lost complete track of time and only realized that I had been staring at the bubblehead on my dashboard for the past hour when my phone rang.

"Rizzoli" I said into the phone, but I missed my usual confidence. I sounded empty, like I felt.

"Jane? Are you okay?" came Korsak's voice. And that was when my feelings finally caught up to me. I felt anger and confusion, but most of all I just felt deeply sad. The tears were streaming down my face. I sobbed into the phone.

"Jane? What's going on? Are you in danger? Is Maura okay?" Upon hearing Maura's name, my chest ached and a new sob found its way out of my mouth. Korsak sounded more and more worried.

"Jane, where are you?" I took a deep breath.

"M-Maura's house" I choked out. I heard some sounds which were probably Korsak putting on his jacket and getting his keys.

"I'll be there in 10 minutes." He said without hesitation and in that moment, I loved him more than ever. Now that I finally felt, I couldn't stop it. Without getting out of the car seat, I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged them. Once the tears finally subdued a bit, I heard a soft knock on the window. I opened the door and Korsak hugged me. I buried my head in his chest and sobbed. I hadn't been this vulnerable in front of him since my last encounter with Hoyt and he was more than a little bit worried. Eventually I stopped sobbing and my anger got more to the surface.

"Jane, is something wrong with Maura?" I snorted.

"No, she's fine. More than fine, actually. Tommy has been keeping her company tonight, so don't worry about her." I said harshly. Korsak looked at me with eyes full of empathy.

"Oh, Jane. I'm so sorry. I know how you feel about her." I didn't even try to argue with him or ask how he knew my feelings towards Maura.

"yeah, well whatever. I just didn't know my own brother could betray me like this." I said, only now realizing that Tommy was the only one that I had told about my love for Maura. Korsak just squeezed me one more time before letting me go and leading me towards his car. He quickly called a rookie to pick up my car. I shut out everything again and went back to the numb state I had been in before Korsak called. My phone buzzed indicating that I had a text from Maura, but I deleted it without looking at it. I couldn't stop loving her, but I could definitely hate her more. And that was exactly what I did. I thought about that day. The day that she told me she loved me. At those words my heart simultaneously swelled in happiness and broke because I knew those words were only an outing of friendship-love. My phone buzzed again, now in the form of a phone call. I ignored it and let it go to voicemail. If I was being completely honest I wasn't even angry at her. Of course it irritated me that she hadn't kept her promise, but I could deal with that. What I couldn't deal with was the intense and overwhelming sadness I felt at this moment and so I expressed that in anger. But there was one thing that I did know and that was that no matter how bad I felt, I never wanted to make Maura feel guilty or sad about it too. So I made a decision at that moment to distance myself from Maura, to protect her. And maybe, just a little, to protect myself.

_A/N: Hope you liked it! I will update soon, maybe even today :) Please review_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Okay, so this is a very, very short chapter and I'm sorry. It's just that I really needed to get this out before I can continue with the rest of the story and the last sentence was really something that I wanted to put at the end of a chapter so yeah. Deal with it :) Hope you enjoy this chapter!_

It had been four days since Maura's sick day and I had successfully avoided both Tommy and Maura. With Tommy it was easy. He didn't try to contact me. Maura did. She had called me at least 30 times and left tons of messages, which I all deleted without reading. I didn't go to autopsies anymore and even managed to avoid her on crime scenes. Every time she came up to the bull-pen, I came up with an excuse before bolting away towards the café or the toilet. I could see the pain in Maura's eyes every time I left, but I just couldn't get myself to talk to her. And now it was Friday-night and I was in my apartment, alone, surrounded by several empty beer bottles. The bottle in my hand right now wasn't filled with the amber liquid though. It was (only half)filled with vodka. The drink burned with every sip I took. A soft knock on my door made me rise from the couch and stumble towards the sound. That was my first mistake. I knew that the alcohol had stopped me from thinking clearly, but I should have known that Maura would be on the other end of the door. I stared at her. She stared at me. Her eyes moved to the bottle of vodka that I was clutching in my fist and I saw the worry that was already in her eyes increase.

"Can I come in?" She asked. I wanted to say no, but just imagining how hurt she would look was enough for me to completely abandon that idea. So I stepped aside and closed the door behind her.

"Jane, I know that something is wrong. I saw your car outside my house Monday. What were you doing there and what have I done wrong?" I felt my insides starting to boil and before I knew it I was screaming at Maura.

"What have you done?! You know what you have done? You fucked my little brother! Yeah the same little brother that you weren't going to get involved with because you didn't want to compromise our friendship! You told me you loved me, remember?" Maura's eyes had widened in fear the second I started screaming and I could already see tears well up in them. I wanted nothing more than to hold her and squeeze her and kiss her. **Tommy held her. Tommy kissed her. **A little voice told me in the back of my head and all it did was make me angrier.

"I-I'm sorry, Jane. I just got caught-" I cut her off with a harsh chuckle that contained no joy.

"You got caught up in the moment? Maura Isles, the queen of logic and planning, got caught up in the fucking moment? Just get out, Maura. I don't want to see you anymore." That was a lie. I wished I could forever watch Maura. I wished I could forever watch her without being reminded of how Tommy won. How he won her, because I was always too weak to tell her how I felt. And now it was too late, because Tommy had her. Maura hadn't moved, but tears were now freely streaming down her face. I turned around and started walking towards my bedroom, the bottle of vodka still securely in my hand.

"Jane, please." She choked out.

"Please what?"

"Please don't leave me, too." That sentence broke my heart, but it didn't break my anger.

"I'm not the one that's leaving, Maura. You did that the second you decided to sleep with my little brother."

_A/N: heartbroken Jane can be pretty harsh, but tbh I don't really blame her. I sort of understand how she reacts so yeah. review if you want :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Okay, so here's the next chapter. It's going to be a bit more angst and to be honest, Tommy acting out of character. I changed Tommy's character quite a lot in this fanfiction, because tbh I don't believe he would actually do this sort of thing to Jane. Please don't hate me :( It will get better, I promise!_

Lying in my bed, I analysed everything that Maura had said.

"**Don't leave me too."**

That's what she said. **Too.** Who had left her besides me? Tommy? No, why the hell would he leave Maura after having just gotten her? Jane made a decision to call Tommy. She may have been angry at Maura, but she would never stop taking care of her, even if it was from a distance. For now, she dropped her head on the pillow and fell asleep like that. Fully clothed, one hand dangling of the bed, still clutching an almost empty bottle of vodka and her face in a frown.

"Tommy?" She had called him with Korsak's phone, scared that he might not pick up if it was her.

"Janie?" He asked. Upon hearing his voice, I felt the anger course through my veins.

"Yeah, it's me. Now do you mind telling me what the fuck happened with Maura?" I asked, trying and failing miserably at keeping the anger out of my voice.

"I asked her out and we went back to her place and we-" I winced.

"yeah, okay I get it Tommy. How could you? You know how I feel about her. You're my brother. How could you do this to me?" I said, my voice laced with the desperation I had felt for the past 5 days.

"It's not my fault that you were too scared to make a move on her, Jane. She wanted me, I wanted her. Don't overreact."

"Don't overreact? Really, Tommy?! You are telling me not to fucking overreact?! You slept with the love of my life! While knowing that she was in fact that to me. I hate you and I probably always will."

"Whatever, was that all you were calling for?" I took a deep breath to calm the intense anger I felt and finally got to the purpose of the phone-call.

"Right. Did you leave Maura?" I asked, finally calming down at the prospect of hanging up and not talking directly to Tommy ever again, if I could help it.

"Look, I didn't fucking sign up for this, okay? It was just a one-night-stand."

"What the fuck are you talking about, Tommy?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Tommy chuckled harshly.

"You should ask Maura that. Bye, Jane." He said before hanging up, leaving me staring at the phone in my hand. What the fuck had Tommy been talking about. Of course I had an idea, but that idea was so crazy that I immediately dismissed it. I knew that I had to talk to Maura again, but the mere thought left me nauseous. It couldn't be that bad, could it? Maura would come to me if it was really bad, right? Of course she would.

From that moment on my thoughts were divided in two sides. Two sides that were constantly battling the other one. One side was telling me that me and Maura were done. Maura had left me by breaking her promise and if what was going on really got out of hand, she would talk to me. The other was telling me that Maura was not alright. That I should talk to her. That I should forgive Maura. The battle was giving me a headache and I knew I had to decide if I ever wanted a night's sleep again.

Three days later and I still hadn't decided. It was now 8 days since **that** day and I hadn't spoken to Maura directly once. I felt myself yearning for her voice, her laugh, her eyes. Just her everything. I used to love my job, but now I realized that part of what I loved about it was to work with Maura. Just like I had used to love going out to the robber after work, but the only reason I really loved it was Maura. So long story short, my life was a mess without her. I was a mess without her. After another sleepless night I arrived at another crime scene. Out of habit, I looked towards the body, expecting to see Maura bent over it. Seeing Pike instead of Maura gave me some very bad memories, but most of all, it worried me. Maura Isles never took a sick day and now she had taken 2 in one week. I tried to focus on what dr. Pike was trying to tell me, but all I could think about was Maura. I looked at Korsak and he nodded wordlessly, immediately catching on to what I was not saying.

I had been sitting in my car in front of Maura's house for the past 20 minutes. The fear of seeing something similar to what I saw last week and the awful memories swirling through my brain. But eventually, the worry came out on top and so I climbed out of my car and walked towards Maura's front door. I knocked softly, scared for what may come. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breathes before my favourite voice woke me from my thoughts. It was smaller than it had been though. Smaller and more fragile.

"J-Jane?" Maura uttered and I could hear the hope in her voice. My heart broke. How could I ever abandon this woman? Even if she had hurt me, I should have known myself better than to think that I could really keep myself away from this. I smiled weakly.

"Yeah, it's me." I rasped. Maura looked up and her eyes were so full of disbelief and gratitude. Tears welled up in those beautiful eyes and she quietly started crying. I stepped in and wrapped my arms around her. I hadn't forgiven her. That would take time, but I did still love her. So I held her while she cried.

"I-I'm so sorry, J-Jane. I'm sorry" Maura sobbed into my ear and I just tightened my hold on her, letting her know that it was okay for now. That I would eventually forgive her. We stayed like that for several minutes. Standing on her doorway, me in my work clothes with bags under my eyes and my hair even messier than usual and she in her silk pyjamas, crying her eyes out. When she pulled back she let me in. Maura sat down on the couch and I followed. She looked at the ground.

"So, I talked to Tommy." I said, unable to keep the anger out of my voice. Maura stiffened and looked up with fear in her eyes.

"He wouldn't tell me what was going on. So, what's going on, Maura?" I asked, trying to sound encouraging.

"I-We… We did use protection, but I guess it broke or-" She looked up into my eyes and stopped talking. I swallowed.

"You're pregnant." I said. It was a statement, not a question. Maura nodded and kept her eyes on the floor.

"From Tommy." I said. It came out like a whisper, although inside my mind, It was being screamed. It was all I could think about. Maura was pregnant from Tommy. Irresponsible, one-night-stand, my little brother Tommy.

"Where is he now?" I asked.

"I don't know." She said and I could hear the fear in her voice. The fear of having a baby that she would have to raise all by herself.

"He… He said he didn't sign up for this. He said that I could just get an abortion."

"He ran away." I said. Another statement. Maura nodded again.

"He said he was going away on a trip." Maura said. I knew Tommy. He was not on a trip. He was on the run from his responsibilities, like he always had been. I stood up and walked towards the door.

"J-Jane. Please don't leave me." Maura said, still sitting on the sofa. How could I ever leave her?

"I just need some time to think, Okay? I'll be back." I told her, before walking out. Maura was pregnant. From Tommy.

_A/N: Okay, that's it for today! Please don't hate me for the drama. I promise it will get better, but to get there it will have to get a little worse first. Just stick with me and I promise there will be Rizzles and fluff in the end. Also, I'm sort of focusing on this story, because I really have no idea how to continue my other multi-chapter(how true love meets), so I will be updating quite often I hope. Please review :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: I'm sorry, but this isn't a new chapter. I know it's been a while since I've updated, but I'm just sort of stuck on both on this and my other multi-chapter story. I'm very sorry for all of you that didn't like the first chapters and I promise I will try to make it better, but that is part of the reason that it's taking me a while longer than it normally would. I just really need to think of a way to make people like this story again. I'm still a bit new to fanfiction and I will probably update a one-shot every so often, because I'm just very fond of those. It will take a while before I update this, though. Please don't hate me L_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Hey! First of all, I want to thank you guys for replying so positively to my author's note. It really helped me to write this chapter without feeling too guilty. I know this won't soothe anything, but I hope you guys won't hate me too much and will still believe me when I tell you that it will get better. It will probably take a few more chapters though, because honestly I don't see Jane dealing very good with her problems and feelings right away, so please just bear with me _

For the first time in 3 years I took a day off without being forced to do so by either my mother or Maura. I wanted nothing more than to immerse myself into work so I could forget about Maura and Tommy, but I knew I couldn't. I had to think about things. And plan them. Part of me was angry at Tommy for leaving Maura like this, but most of me was just relieved. Relieved that Maura wouldn't have to spend the rest of her life with someone that didn't love her. And maybe also just a tiny bit relieved that I didn't have to watch the love of my life on her wedding day, standing next to someone that wasn't me. I was damn sure not going to get him back, though. Maura wasn't alone. She had Ma and Frankie and Korsak and Frost and she had me. She would always have me. Even if right now, I was still struggling to find a way to not hate the child growing inside of her. I made some arrangements for my mother and Frankie to come by Maura's place for dinner and though they were both curious and a little worried, they didn't ask me anything. After putting away my phone I took a deep breathe. Time to face Maura again.

"J-Jane? Is that you?" Came Maura's voice from the living room and her vulnerable tone broke my heart.

"Yeah, it's me." I called out before taking of my boots and walking deeper into the house. Maura was still sitting in the exact same spot as she was when I'd left, but I could see she had cried. I sat down next to her, keeping a normal distance between us.

"My mother and Frankie are coming over for dinner tonight. We're going to tell them." I had to do everything I could to get the we out of my mouth. I didn't want to leave her on her own, but knowing that there was and never would be a we broke me. Maura's eyes had widened in fear and I took both of her hands.

"Don't worry, Maur. I'll be there the whole time. I know you don't want to, but they have to know."

"You're not a-angry anymore?" Maura said, her voice so little that I had to strain to hear it.

"I am. Just not at you." I sighed while I squeezed her hands. And she smiled that smile that made my insides flutter. She threw her arms around my neck and put her head on my shoulder.

"I'm still sorry." She said.

"I know you are." I said, and I did. And it wasn't just because Maura couldn't lie. It was because even though dr. Isles the chief medical examiner of the common wealth of Massachusetts, who could hide any emotion, never got caught up in the moment, socially awkward Maura whose parents gave her away to adoptive parents that barely paid attention to her and that had been craving friends and love for the bigger part of her life, did. So I held her and whispered in her ear that is was okay, that I wouldn't leave her. Eventually she let go of my neck.

"How about we go to the grocery story so we can prepare a nice meal for tonight?" I said with a reassuring smile. Maura nodded and went upstairs to change. Just before she walked upstairs she paused and hesitated. I was about to ask her what was wrong when she sighed and started climbing the stairs. I made a mental note to ask her what was wrong later. 30 minutes later Maura still hadn't returned and I started getting worried. I softly knocked on her bedroom door.

"Maur?" I called out gently. When I didn't get a reply I pushed the door open. I saw Maura standing in front of her bathroom mirror, doing something that was completely and utterly not Maura-like. She was softly talking to herself, encouraging herself it seemed.

"She said she's not angry at you. It's just a question, she can say no. She-" She whispered to herself over and over.

"Maur?" I said, trying not to startle her. I knew I had failed when her eyes snapped up with such ferocity that I was surprised she hadn't hurt herself.

"You can ask me anything you want." I told her with what I hoped was an encouraging smile.

"Well, it's just… I know that I should be really angry or desperate about the fact that Tommy has left, but I'm not. I-I'm just really scared, because I'm not- I mean I can't raise a child by myself and I know I can't ask this of you and-"

"Are you asking me to raise this child with you?" I said, my feelings not exactly knowing what to do. Maura looked at the ground and nodded slightly. I took a little time to gather my feelings before answering. Of course I knew the answer before she had even asked. Yes. Like it was always a yes with her. Part of me was so desperate to just leave it all behind and go away, but I couldn't. I couldn't leave Maura no matter how good it would be for me. I would always do anything to assure her happiness and if that meant having my own heart so shattered that the pieces were too small for a human eye to see, so be it. Another part of me was screaming and dancing inside of me. **You are getting a family with Maura!** It yelled, over and over. I swallowed past the lump in my throat and answered with another reassuring smile.

"Okay" Maura looked up and I saw her eyes sparkling with unshed tears, but the smile on her face made up for everything bad in the world.

"So, groceries?" I said, trying to deflect. Maura smiled again and nodded before walking towards her huge walk-in closet to pick out shoes that would match her already impeccable appearance.

"Get those cocoa puffs out of my cart, Jane Rizzoli!" Maura chastised me. I smiled at the familiarity of it all.

"Your cart, huh?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. Maura just put the box of cornflakes back on the rack. I huffed in frustration, but the smile that was plastered on my face didn't even falter. Doing groceries with Maura felt so domestic and just overall so right. Neither of us wanted to think about tonight, but I could feel how tense Maura was. I knew the only reason she wanted to make dinner by herself was because she needed time alone to prepare herself for what was about to come. Ma and Frankie arrived exactly 10 minutes early, both worried and repeatedly asking me to shed some light on the situation and tell them why Tommy wasn't there. Well, Frankie only asked once, stopping after seeing the flame in my eyes at the mention of that name. Ma was of course oblivious to that and asked about 16 times. By the time dinner was served, I was on edge and I could feel anger and desperation flooding through my body. We all sat down and ate. Or actually, Frankie and Ma ate while Maura and I both mainly pushed our food around on our plates.

"I need to tell you something." Maura said, suddenly standing up from her seat. I braced myself for the inevitable bluntness. And it seemed like that bluntness was on fire today.

"I'm pregnant and Tommy is the father." She choked out, looking at her plate. I took her hand and squeezed it slightly, ignoring the anger that was threatening to take me over. I turned towards the others to gauge their reactions. Ma looked shocked and a bit incredulous. I looked towards Frankie and I nearly jumped. I had never in my life seen Frankie as angry as he looked now. His face was so hard that it scared me.

"I-we did use protection. It must have broken. I-" Maura was cut off by Frankie. His voice came out like a low growl, lower and harsher than I'd ever heard it.

"Where is he?" Maura seemed startled, but answered anyway.

"I don't know. H-He told me he didn't sign up for this." Frankie's anger only seemed to increase. He stood up.

"Jane?" He growled.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" He said before walking into the kitchen. I squeezed Maura's hand one last time before following my little brother.

"What's this all about? Are you fucking jealous or something?" I near-yelled, the anger of the past few hours finally getting the better of me.

"No, but you are!" He shot back. He calmed down considerable and took a step towards me.

"You are." He stated. I nodded and looked at the ground.

"And Tommy knew." He added, again without any form of uncertainty. I nodded again, feeling the tears burning behind my eyes.

"He asked me, you know. He asked me if he would have a chance." He whispered and I could hear the disgust towards him, but most of all I just heard the empathy towards me.

"I told him no. I told him it would destroy you." He ended his story and by now the tears were running down my cheeks. Frankie quickly wrapped his arms around me and held me close, letting me cry into his shirt. I felt Maura's presence before I heard her.

"What's wrong?" She asked, the worry in her voice making way for another wave of tears. I didn't want her to worry about me and at the same time I wanted her to worry so much that she would pull it out of me and that she would run away so I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. But even though I would never admit that there was anything that I wouldn't be strong enough to do, I couldn't do that. I could do anything, but hurt Maura. And so I just cried, not saying anything. Frankie waved Maura away. When the tears finally subsided we went back into the dining room. I didn't even try to hide the fact that I was crying since Maura knew already anyway and I couldn't hide it from my mother anyway. My mother looked at me and touched my arm with a smile that said **I know **and **I'm sorry **and **I love you. **Maura looked confused and a little frustrated.

"So, what are you going to do, Maura?" My mother asked. Maura seemed confused by the sudden change of subject so I answered.

"I'm going to help raise it." I said. Both Frankie and my mother gave me an understanding nod.

"I apologize for Tommy. Luckily I raised my Janie a lot better. It may not be how I imagined my first grandchild, but I won't love him or her any less." Maura visibly relaxed and I could not love my mother any more in that moment. She kissed both me and Maura on the cheek and gave me another understanding and loving look, before moving back to the guest house. Frankie hugged me tight before turning to Maura.

"You're very lucky to have a friend like my sister." He said and I could hear a tinge of anger in his voice. I squeezed his arm silently telling him that I would be okay. He nodded and left, leaving Maura a bit incredulous. I could tell that she was trying to figure me out, because she was doing that cute head tilt she always did when she didn't understand something.

"Do you want to stay the night?" She asked. I turned around before answering, unable to look how her face fell.

"No, it's still early. I'll come pick you up for work tomorrow." I took a deep breath.

"Goodnight, Maura." I said before shutting the door behind me. This would be a very, very long night.

_A/N: I hope you guys liked it! please review, unless you are only going to say that the story sucks. If you don't like it, that's cool. You can give me pointers on what to do better or you can give me advice, but if you're just going to reply with "This sucks." I think you should keep it to yourself._


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Hey! So, here's the next chapter. It's not a very happy one, but I have a feeling that the next one might be. Don't get me wrong they're not in paradise yet, but the next chapter will probably be a little more fluffy than what I have so far. Anyway, first things first __ I hope you enjoy it!_

There were exactly 7 cracks in the ceiling of my bedroom. There were 3 stains and there was one spider in the corner. I had been studying it for the past few hours, trying to focus on the spider to prevent my mind from going to either one of the two people that haunted my mind. The person I loved more than life itself and the person I had recently started to feel nothing but hate and disgust towards. There was one question swirling around. How am I ever going to be able to love a child that was conceived in the most heart-breaking event I would ever experience? I tried imagining a tiny Maura, but every time the little girl or boy would do something that reminded me of Tommy and I couldn't help but despise the imaginary child. Of course there was a fairly big chance on a miscarriage and for one second, I nearly hoped for it. But then I imagined the hurt Maura would have to go through and the thought was immediately dismissed, only leaving behind a deep trail of guilt. At 5 AM I dragged myself out of bed and took a long shower. I knew Maura would notice the dark circles under my eyes, but I couldn't get myself to hide them. Part of me wanted her to notice. So she saw what this did to me. But the bigger part of me just didn't feel like going on a treasure hunt for my long-lost foundation only to be figured out by Maura anyway. Because she was just that good.

I don't exactly know when it happened, it may have been two years ago and it may have been three months ago, but somewhere along the way of me having nightmares, Maura stopped approaching the subject scientifically and simply said the words I could hear right now.

"You didn't sleep well." I didn't answer and just waited for her to put her seatbelt on. I backed out of her driveway and kept my silence.

"What's going on, Jane?" She asked after a few minutes and I had to use every bit of willpower in me to not start yelling at her. The lack of sleep made me grumpy and the abundance of thoughts swirling around made me tense and angry. I wanted to hit something and at the same time I wanted someone to hit me. I just tightened my grip on the steering wheel.

"Nothing." I said and the second the word left my mouth I wanted to take it back. Because I knew that that word didn't tell Maura that I was okay. It told Maura that I was angry and desperate and far, far from okay. Maura looked at me and I could see the unshed tears in her eyes. I sighed and felt my self-hate grow inevitably. We pulled up at the precinct, but neither me or Maura made any move to get out of the car. I sighed again and rubbed my face with my hand before I took her hand. I did a small victory dance inside my head when she didn't pull back.

"Look, I'm just angry at Tommy, okay? It doesn't have-" I started, but Maura cut me off with a voice so cold and harsh that it scared me.

"It doesn't have anything to do with me? It has fucking everything to do with, Jane! He left because of me! I am pregnant with his child." She near-yelled. I winced at the mention of Tommy's child.

"Look at yourself. How can you say that it doesn't have anything to do with me if you can't even stand it when I mention the father of my child?" Maura yelled. Of course she didn't understand that I hadn't winced at the mention of the father's name. It was at the child itself that I winced. But I decided to be smart for once and not blurt out my thoughts.

"I'm going to go before I say too much. I'm sorry, Maura." I said, surprised at my calm tone. I opened the door and exited the car before Maura could say anything else. I strode towards the precinct, leaving Maura alone in my car.

I had never been more thankful for a day without a case to solve. It left me bored and unfortunately with a lot of time to think, but at least I didn't have to face Maura. Of course we would usually see each other even on days like this, but now I just got a quick lunch at my desk and had coffee by myself. Korsak and Frost probably realized what was happening, but they didn't ask and I was more than thankful for that.

"He's an asshole." I said to the little ball of fur that was curled up next to me. It was Friday night, one and a half week after the drive with Maura. It was Friday night and I was drinking and it reminded me of the night Maura came by three weeks ago. I had been talking to the little dog for a while now. Talking about Maura and Tommy and the unborn baby and how I knew that Maura would come by tonight. She hadn't come by yet, though I had 82 missed calls and 107 unread texts from her. I knew it would be tonight, though, because I knew Maura. And so when I heard a knock I knew that it was her. I had already decided not to open the door, but somehow I ended up leaning against the doorframe looking at her.

"Can I come in?" She asked. I didn't answer but stepped aside, shutting the door behind her.

"I apologize for yelling at you, Jane." She paused, probably awaiting my reaction. When I didn't give any, she continued.

"I know that you are not happy with me because I broke my promise and I know that you are angry at Tommy-"

"You don't know anything." I growled, the alcohol only fuelling the pent-up anger.

"Well, maybe that's because you don't tell me, Jane. I don't know what your brother did wrong, it's not like-" I cut her off with a harsh chuckle.

"You want to know what he did wrong?" I asked, my voice laced with anger and disgust. Maura looked scared, but still managed a nod.

"He fucked you even though he knew. Even though he knew that I loved you. Yeah, Maura I love you. And yeah, Tommy knew because I told him. I told him that I loved you more than anything in the world and that I had never felt this way before and you know what he fucking did? He asked you out. He fucked you even though he knew that it would destroy me. But I guess I can't blame him. Because in the end, you agreed. And that pretty much says enough about what you feel towards me, doesn't it?" I was yelling at the end, tears streaming down my face and blurring my vision. Maura raised her hand, but I swatted it away.

"Get out." I said with as calm a voice as I could manage.

"Just get out, Maura."

_A/N: ouch, I feel bad for Jane. Don't worry, though. I hope you liked it and please review _


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Hey guys! I had a lot of people saying that they were angry at Maura for asking what Tommy did wrong and that's why I'm just going to explain for a bit here. Okay so you have to realize that Maura didn't know anything about what transpired between Jane and Tommy. The only thing she knew is what Tommy did. For all we know, Tommy told her Jane had given her blessing. She didn't know that Tommy had purposefully broken his own sister's heart. Also, remember that Maura has never really had friends before and she doesn't have any idea about the rules and boundaries. So yes, she knew that she had broken a promise, but she didn't know what Tommy had done since Tommy didn't know about that promise and she didn't know about the promise Tommy had made to Jane. So please, just go a little easy on her._

_Okay, so proceeding to the story. This is a very Jane-centric chapter. Maura will be back in the next chapter and I think that's when the first Rizzles will be. It will be a bit strained and it won't be all sappy and fluffy, but Rizzles nonetheless __ But for now, this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it!_

I sank down on my knees and dropped my head in my hands. I closed my eyes trying to slow the stream of tears, but it didn't help. It felt like I was drowning and it felt like I was dying. She was gone. Maura was gone and she wasn't coming back because I had told her to leave and I told her how I felt. The all-consuming anger I had felt only minutes ago had disappeared and instead sadness coursed through my veins. And guilt. **She asked you what he did wrong. You had every right to be angry. **A voice whispered, but another voice could be heard in the back of my mind. **She didn't know, Jane. She didn't know that Tommy had broken his promise and she didn't even know that he did anything he couldn't have done. **I sighed and the guilt only intensified. I curled up into a little ball and gave in to the crying. A first body-wrecking sob was followed by many others. I stopped eventually and sat up. I didn't move. I just sat, staring at the empty wall in front of me. It reminded me of the place where my heart used to sit before Maura came along and took it. I had never been much of a romantic and saying that someone had stolen my heart seemed suspiciously sappy, but it wasn't. I didn't say Maura took my heart, because I thought it sounded romantic. Maura had unknowingly ripped my heart out of my chest, leaving nothing but an empty space. I could hear my alarm going off in my room, but I couldn't get my legs to move. I took my phone and dialled Cavanaugh's number. I knew that now the sadness was gone, I could keep my voice from shaking though it would definitely lack any sort of happiness.

"Cavanaugh. I am taking a vacation. 3 weeks and I want no one to bother me." I said when he picked up the phone. He didn't ask me what was wrong and I was thankful for that. After I hung up I threw my phone at the wall as hard as I possibly could. It shattered, leaving broken pieces all over the floor. I stood up and walked towards my room. I didn't look at the clothes I threw into the bag. A little time away would do me good.

I stared at the steam coming from the water in the bath-tub. I had been in the small wooden cabin for 8 days and I hadn't cleaned myself once. Everyday tasks seemed so useless. I ate when I got hungry(which was not often) and I barely slept. I slept the first night I got to the cabin but the fear of the nightmare I got on that first night was enough to keep me awake most of the time. I had spent most of my days in front of the television, unable to bring myself to watch anything. Everything reminded me of her somehow. I had banned her name from my mind, but I could never ban her. I could still see her face every time I closed my eyes and I could still hear her voice every time I thought of something she would say in certain situations. I approached the bath, turning off the water. I slipped into it, ignoring how hot the water really felt on my skin. I closed my eyes and leaned back slightly. I washed my hair carefully and remained in the bath until the water became cold. I stared up at the ceiling, trying to think of a time when everything was better. I thought about movie nights and morning runs. I thought about pizzas with pepperoni and mushroom, about quick lunches during work, about a comforting hand or hug. I thought about the first time I knew I was in love with my beautiful, goofy best friend. It was about 2 seconds before I shot myself. The last thought I had was about Maura. The last image I had before I hit the ground was of her beautiful face and I knew at that moment that I loved her. My eyes snapped open and I sighed. **Okay, enough of the self-pity already. Get the fuck over yourself, Rizzoli. **I chastised myself before getting out of the water and draining the bath while drying myself off. I dressed in sweatpants and an oversized BPD hoodie and sat back down at the couch. The day went by like all the other did. I sat in front of the television that wasn't on and stared to the wall trying to come up with a way to make everything just go away without making everything worse. And like every single day, I couldn't come up with anything. I tried to think about making up with Maura and though my heart made little jumps every time I thought of it, I knew that I couldn't. She probably wouldn't even want anything to do with me anymore. And what did I even want? I wanted Maura, I was that far. I told myself that I didn't want to be friends with Maura anymore because she had hurt me and because she had had sex with my brother. I told myself that I wouldn't be able to take care of the child, but I knew I was already way over that. It was Maura and I wanted her and everything that was connected to her. I was still heartbroken and sad and angry at Tommy and not fully able to love her child like a mother would with her own, but I wanted Maura because I needed her. I needed her to calm me down and make me think rationally and explain everything I felt, but I couldn't have her because I fucked up. I always did, but this time it was for good. And somehow, the idea of her not wanting me anymore soothed me. It meant being able to run away without having to feel guilty for leaving Maura behind. It meant technically being able to never look back. Obviously, I would never be able to completely remove myself from Maura's life and even though I knew I would never again be anything but a co-worker, I still wanted to be around her to keep an eye on her. To keep her and her child safe. Because even if it was biologically Tommy's child, it wasn't his to raise or care for. It was Maura's child and it would've been my child. The strange thing is, that now that I told Maura how I felt, I could see myself getting more at ease with the idea of being co-parent to the kid. But now I no longer could. So here I sat. Staring at a wall and trying to come up with a way to love Maura without coming close to her. I closed my eyes and felt a tear escape.

"I'm sorry" I rasped silently. And it was an apology for everything. It was an apology to my mother for not being able to just settle down with a nice guy and avoid all the drama. It was an apology to Frankie for not being the strong sister I was supposed to be. It was an apology to Korsak and Frost for taking three weeks off and leaving them with all the work. But most of all, it was an apology to Maura for yelling at her, for being angry at her, for telling her that I loved her. But it wasn't an apology for loving her. Because I could never apologize for something that was so logical. I could never apologize for something completely beyond my power.

_A/N: Okay, hope you guys liked it! Please review if you did and if you didn't, you can review too if you have good pointers on what I need to do better. I understand that a lot of you don't like this story, because Maura is acting a bit out of character sleeping with Tommy and such. I'm sorry for not making a story that all of you guys like __ . Also, if you have any sort of story that you want written, just send me a PM and I will look into it. I'm not promising anything, because if a plot doesn't speak to me at all I don't think I should write it. So yeah, that's it for today. See you guys later!_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Hi! This is going to be a little bit happier chapter. After this, I'm marking the story complete. I might continue if people want me to, but I don't believe that will happen considering the earlier reviews. I want to thank all of you for sticking with me and I'm sorry if you didn't like the story. I hope this chapter explains Maura's actions a bit, but I understand if you think it didn't. Anyway, I hope you guys like this chapter!_

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli, come in here right now and tell me exactly why I haven't seen or heard from you in the past 3 weeks." My mother's voice carried through the entire precinct, but I didn't feel embarrassed. To be completely honest, I didn't really feel anything. Today was the first day that I was back at work, but I wasn't nervous or sad or angry. Over the past three weeks I had perfected the ability to not care and not feel. I walked into the café and quickly poured myself a cup of coffee.

"I was on a vacation." I said in an empty, neutral voice. My mother seemed taken aback by the lack of embarrassment and anger, but she quickly regained her composure and began yelling again.

"And you couldn't pick up your phone or even tell anyone where you went? I had to hear from Cavanaugh himself that you took time off!" I shrugged and walked towards the elevator, ignoring my mother's screams. I knew that Frost and Korsak would probably be pissed at me for giving them so much extra work, but I didn't really care and so I didn't hesitate to go up to the bullpen. I was wrong, though. Both Frost and Korsak kept their mouths shut about the fact that they had worked twice as hard in the past 3 weeks because of my little vacation.

"Jane! You're back!" Korsak hollered happily.

"How's your vacation been?" Frost asked. I looked at him a bit incredulously before answering.

"Fine." I sat down at my desk and started going through the files of cases I had missed. Frost was still looking at me and after a few minutes he stood up and walked towards me, shooting a look to Korsak on the way. Korsak also stood up and walked over.

"what's going on between you and the doc, Jane?" Frost asked gently. I raised my eyebrows at him, before looking back at the file.

"Nothing." I said, still not caring.

"Nothing my ass! Maura barely comes out of her office anymore and if she does it's obvious that she has been crying. She doesn't talk to anyone and you've been on a vacation for the past three weeks! You didn't even pick up your phone or let anyone know where you were going." I cringed at the mention of Maura and I could slowly feel the walls around my heart starting to crumble. I could feel my eyes watering up, but I wiped the tears away aggressively. I tried to think of a way to get my partners of my back, but all I could think of was Maura crying. I locked my jaw and schooled my features.

"You should ask her that." I said, trying to sound angry though my voice only sounded desperate and sad.

"We did. She started crying and sobbing and she has been avoiding us ever since!" I groaned. Again with the pictures of a crying Maura. It was like my kryptonite. She was my kryptonite.

"We just had a little fight." I said, but after I said it I could feel tears welling up again and I let out a throaty humourless chuckle "Well, not that little." I rasped, my voice thick with emotion.

"Look Jane, we know that you're angry and hurt because she slept with your brother, but you know that you can't avoid her forever. She needs you. You may not believe this right now, but I truly believe that she loves you too." Korsak sighed. I shot a quick look at Frost and he nodded, signalling that he knew too. I groaned again.

"How come everybody knows that I'm in love with her without even having to hear it from me?" Korsak chuckled at this and Frost joined in quickly, only stopping when I shot them a glare. Korsak put his arm on my shoulder.

"Jane, everyone can see it. The way you look at her goes way beyond normal friendship. I was surprised you two weren't secretly dating already." Korsak chuckled again, but the mention of my biggest dream that had been shattered only so little time ago made my eyes water. A lone tear escaped my eye. Korsak stopped laughing immediately and looked at me with guilt and empathy in his eyes.

"Jane, you need to talk to her. I know you think that you can't fix this anymore, but I think you can. Maura needs you, probably more than she cares to admit. Even if she doesn't like you in that way, though I strongly suspect that she does…" I shook my head at this. She didn't. "She will still want to be friend with you. And you can pretend that you don't want that, but you're not fooling anyone, Jane. You need her, too. Even if it's just as a friend." A few tears followed the first one while I slowly nodded. Korsak was right. He patted my knee one more time before going back to his desk and leaving me to the huge pile of paperwork. I sighed, but I was secretly relieved that I wouldn't have to encounter Maura for the first time since **that** night in the morgue or at a crime scene.

Nervously I fidgeted with the sleeve of my blazer. I took a few deep breaths before bringing my hand up to the bell and ringing it. I could hear Maura moving around inside and after hearing the lock slide, the door flew open and I was looking at the love of my life. I could see that she had been crying, but she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and I took a few moments to appreciate that. Maura hadn't seemed surprised when she saw me standing on her doorstep.

"Jane." She said and even though she tried to make it sound angry, I could only hear sadness and loneliness. I sighed before shutting the door behind me.

"Maura, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for kicking you out that night and I'm sorry for yelling at you." Maura's 'anger' faded away and I could see tears.

"I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry for sleeping with Tommy and for getting angry at you and for not understanding." She whispered. I smiled weakly, but reassuringly.

"It's okay. I didn't expect you to feel the same way and you couldn't really have known. And however much it hurts, I shouldn't take it out on you." Maura looked up with pain in her eyes.

"But I do love you" She said so softly that I had to strain to hear it. I locked my jaw. Maura couldn't possibly feel the same way about me. I didn't want her to say this just because she thought I wouldn't stay with her if she didn't.

"I know. We're best friends, right? I'll always be your best friend, Maur." I said, trying to keep the heartache out of my voice. Maura looked up to me incredulously.

"No, you don't understand, Jane! I mean I am IN love with you." I squinted my eyes at her. She couldn't possibly be saying what I thought she was saying.

"But you slept with Tommy." I could feel anger boiling close to the surface again. I tried to push it away. I tried to be reasonable. It didn't work. I somehow managed to speak on the same volume as I did before, but my words were laced with anger.

"I don't want to be your second choice, Maura." Maura looked at me with tears in her eyes. Her voice came out like a low, raspy whisper and that hurt more than any scream ever could.

"I didn't know you even were an option." She rasped. "You said you were straight. You're a detective, Jane. I thought you had figured out how I felt and that you simply didn't act on it because you didn't feel the same. I had accepted that you didn't feel the same. But it hurt. It hurt so much and Tommy, he…" Her voice cracked. I looked up confused. I didn't know what to feel anymore. My heart was racing, but at the same time I couldn't shake of the feeling that I was a second choice.

"Jane, Tommy said that you didn't like me. He said that you would never like me, because you were straight and he said that you told him that you were grossed out by the thought of being with a woman. H-He said that I wasn't good enough for y-you." Maura was now openly crying and suddenly, everything fell into place. Tommy had done this since we were children. Frankie and I were always physically stronger than him, but he was sneaky. He knew just what he needed to say to make us cry or make us lose our focus. He would say things about someone's insecurities and just when they were on their most vulnerable, he would pretend to bring comfort. He would pretend to be the one that saved the day. I felt every single bit of anger I felt towards Maura slip away and I felt my anger towards Tommy double.

"What else did he say?" I said. Maura was still crying, but she managed to give an answer.

"H-He said that he wanted to be friends with me, not because of you, but because he liked me. And I asked h-him what he meant and he said… He said that it was obvious that most of my life came through you. M-my friends and m-my family, which was actually your family. H-he said that…" I cut her off by wrapping my arms around her. I had heard enough. Tommy had said exactly those things that Maura had been afraid of all her life. He had responded to her fear of not fitting in and of being alone and it had worked.

"I'm so, so sorry for being so angry at you, Maura. I didn't know that Tommy did all of that. Don't believe him, Maura. He was lying." I said while I held her. She softly cried. We stood there for a little while before Maura pulled back slightly to look me in the eye.

"D-Do you still love me?" I smiled softly and leaned in. I hesitated slightly, but Maura pressed her lips tightly to mine and it was okay. There was no more Tommy and no more drama and no more anger and no more anything but me and Maura and love. I was finally with Maura and it felt like nothing I ever felt before. It felt like happiness and excitement and comfort and it felt like **home.**

_A/N: So yeah, that's it! I am currently not working on anything else, but I might upload some one-shots or maybe even the start of another multi-chapter story very soon. Please review and thanks for reading!_


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Okay, so I just felt this needed to be added. I might actually make a sequel about how stuff is going to go with the baby and everything, but I want to focus on some other things first. Hope you guys liked it!_

I had never been an easy sleeper. I had always had nightmares and I was woken by the smallest of sounds. Maura fixed that like she fixed all of me. She made me a better version of myself. It was only the first night, but I know that every night spent with Maura in my arms, would be a peaceful one. When I was woken by a knock, I grinned. It was the first night ever since Hoyt that I slept without nightmares. I smiled lovingly and looked down at Maura slowly stroking a strand of hair out of her eyes and kissed her forehead. Another knock shook me out of my near-trance. I groaned a bit before walking down the stairs in my boy-shorts and tank top. I swung the door open, ready to sign for whatever ridiculous package Maura had delivered.

"Yeah, let-" I started, but stopped when I realized that I wasn't staring at a delivery-guy. I was staring at Tommy. A small déjà vu moment crept up on me, but this time, the roles were reversed. I could feel the anger rise in me immediately and I gripped the door so hard my knuckles got white. I locked my jaw and glared at him.

"What are you doing here?" I spat out. He shrugged before smirking a bit.

"I just wanted to do all of that custody-shit now. Ya know, sign it off so I can come back to the family dinners and everything."

"There is no way in hell that you are ever coming back to family dinners, Ma and Frankie agree." They hadn't actually said anything about it, but I knew they would support Maura and me. Tommy looked surprised. Suddenly, it seemed, he realized that I wasn't fully dressed and I saw realization set in. At first he looked angry, but after that a mean grin found its way onto his face.

"I see that Maura couldn't get enough of the Rizzoli charm, huh? Two siblings in two months. I really don't see what you see in that little slu-" I could feel the sting in my knuckles as soon as they made contact with Tommy's face.

"DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT ABOUT HER." I said while punching him again. His nose was bleeding and he had a cut under his eye. I was about to hit him again when I felt a soft hand on my back. My anger immediately faded away and I turned around. Maura looked at Tommy with fear and disgust. I couldn't see Tommy, but I heard the smirk in his words.

"Hey, Maura. So you've finally worked up the nerve to do something about that little crush of yours. You're just going to go back to letting your entire life flow through Jane?" I could see tears welling up in Maura's eyes. I turned around and Tommy flinched at the look in my eyes. I didn't scream. I didn't move towards him. I was way too angry for that.

"Tommy. Maura is the most beautiful and kind person in the world and you know it. She has lots of friends and people who want to be with her. She has a family more than you do. Do you really think Frankie would even hesitate to choose Maura over you? You fucked up, TomTom…" I knew that the nickname I always gave him as a child would piss him off. "You can't fix it anymore, so if I were you, I'd just get the hell out of here. We'll send you the papers and you're going to sign them. Maura doesn't need you. I don't need you and neither does anyone else." My voice sounded cool and controlled. Tommy seemed taken aback by this. He didn't say anything, but just flipped me off before turning around and walking back to his car. I sighed and turned towards Maura, who was crying softly. I took her in my arms and rested my head on her hair. I closed the door with my foot and slowly walked us to the couch. I sat down and Maura immediately curled up to me.

"I love you." She whispered in my ear and my heart jumped a bit at the words. I felt tears well up in my own eyes too. And I knew she did. And not just because she couldn't lie. I knew it because I felt it. I knew it because Maura Isles wanted me to hug her when she was upset. Maura Isles loved me and I loved her.

"I love you, too." And it wasn't all perfect. Maura was still having Tommy's baby and Maura was still insecure about her friends. But I had Maura and to me, that's as perfect as it gets.

_A/N: So this is really it! please review and tell me what you think!_


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